


Hiveswap Act 2: Electric Boogaloo

by Topology_no_jutsu



Category: Hiveswap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2020-01-15 19:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18505159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topology_no_jutsu/pseuds/Topology_no_jutsu
Summary: You're name is Joey Claire/Dammek.  You're far from home and things sure aren't looking so good for you.





	1. A rustblood and an alien walk into a lawyers house, disappointment sure to follow.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! I am bad at recognizing X sounds in words please feel free to tell me if there's one's in Xefros's dialogues! But most of all, enjoy the story!

“so um xefros, where exactly are we going?” you realized as you steered the technically stolen lusus around, you had no clue where to go.

“oh right, sorry” Xefros started pointing ahead for where to go, you were glad for this since you didn’t think you’d be able to navigate the signs too well.  “she lives pretty far away so the drones shouldn’t be there!”

“awesome!” you happily steer along with his pointing, Zoosmell is shockingly easy for you to ride.

“she’s a little paranoid admittedly, not as bad as the tetrarch but still intense.”

“if there’s one more snake puzzle i may lose it xefros” sure they weren’t hard for you, but they were so tedious!

“there won’t be i promise!  take that left there!”

You turn into a nearby alleyway, it’s empty aside from a big dumpster.  Xefros hops down from Zoosmell and gestures for you to do the same.

“is this the place?” the alley doesn’t look like a safe house to you.

“well no, but it might attract attention if we ride up to her hive” Xefros had a good point there, Zoosmell wasn’t too discrete among the cars.

“right, lead on then!” you creep after him on foot, doing your best to remain stealthy.

You’re stealth might not be so great right now, since Zoosmell was coming along.  To top it off Xefros wasn’t even sneaking, just walking normally.  Sure that looked less suspicious but who cared!  Everyone knows you crouch to be sneakier.

“it’s that one up ahead, just play it cool joey” Xefros strolled up to door and knocked.

“can i help you?” a tired sounding voice came from the other side of the door.

“hello!  i, the lead singer of the grubbles, heard you’re our biggest fan and wanted to meet you” Xefros had clearly done this meeting before with how well he had that line memorized.

“oh mmmmy word, the grubbles here at mmmmy hive” the door opened to reveal a very tired looking troll holding a mug, unlike Xefros her horns were rather small too.  “please, commme in”

The three of you, Zoosmell somehow fit through the door, enter the hive.  It was amazingly mess, papers everywhere, mugs even more everywhere.  How could one person have so much of both of those things?

“wwwwait, you’re an alien?” she pointed looked right at you with this comment.

“yes?” way to sound sure of who you are Joey.

“is it ignorant of mmmme to ask if you knowwww this other alien i knowwww?” she knows an alien?

“you know an alien?” Xefros too was surprised by that.

“you do too apparently”

“you’ve got me there” he just sort of shrugged at her.  “that aside, this is joey, and this is tyzias!”

“nice to meet you” you offer her a hand to shake.

“i’ll assummmme it is then” she shakes it.

“well are they also an earth alien?” you’re sort of curios.

“yes actually, but they look, less featured than you”

“featured?”

“if their around you’ll mmmmeet and see wwwwhat i mmmmean”

“ok then” that sure wasn’t specific or clarifying.

“we need some help, dammek’s gone and we can’t do this without him!” Xefros had somehow forgotten your pep talk from earlier.

“yes you can!  you don’t need him remember!”

“no he literally mmmmeans wwwwe need himmmm for this, the rest of the rebellion kind of only followwww himmmm”

“oh” right makes sense since he’s the leader apparently.  “well can’t they defer to xefros since he’s closest to dammek?”

“a rustblood like me?  no way.”

“isn’t that what you’re rebelling against?” you’re pretty sure it was the oppressive blood color based class system.

“wwwwell yeah but they all still think their better than himmmm, dammek had the edge of being a natural leader to themmmm.”

“well he also was a jerk so i think xefros would be better anyways” you still didn’t like him for how he treated Xefros.

“regardlessly, if they think he’s dead it’s gammmme over, they’ll all go into hiding” Tyzias started sorting through some papers.  “none of themmmm are actually brave enough to step forwwwward and take over.”

“then again, xefros is perfect for this!  he has loads of bravery!  i’d even say bravery out the wazoo!”

“you’re just saying that” Xefros was blushing a little from the compliment.

“and modesty, that’s like two great leader qualities right there!” you may have only known him for two hours, but Xefros was both nice and very helpful to you, so you’d possibly die for him if it came to it.

“if you wwwwanna go round up all the other rebels and convince themmmm he’s so great go right ahead” Tyzias just gave you a look, sort of like a challenging one, but still a tired one.

“do you not want to rebel still?  isn’t the heiress a tyrant trying to kill you all?”

“wwwwell, yes these are both true things, but without dammek wwwwe’re going to be lowwww on mmmmoral”

You let out a sigh of frustration, Tyzias was less helpful than one hundred snake puzzles right now.  How could she just give up right now?

“you twwwwo can hide out here for a bit, try not get mmmmy hive destroyed please” she assembled some pages and books and headed for the door.

“you’re leaving?”

“sommmme of us have wwwwork to do”

With that she was gone, it was just the three of you now to try and work things out.  Oh what would Clarissa do?

“tzyias is right, the  rebellion is gonna fall apart” Xefros sounded defeated.  “all because i messed up dammeks plans for the weapon.”

“don’t say it’s your fault!” you had to get him stop being so hard on himself.  “that weapons wasn’t even a weapon, it was a stinking portal that sent me flying here from home.  oh no, if i’m here then he’s there.”

“so, he’s alive but just on your earth?” Xefros seemed to perk up at this.  “then we can bring him back somehow?”

“maybe?” you didn’t want to give him false hope.  “we still can’t even touch the portal here remember, it has that barrier up.”

“oh right…”

“but i’m sure between us we can do it!” you didn’t want him to be sad either, so false hope it is.  “i just hope him and jude don’t kill each other.”

“jude?”

“my brother, we live together and when i got sent here he stayed there.”

“you think they won’t get along?”

“well, they might?  they’re both super paranoid about everything.”

“is your jude nice?”

“yeah!  he can be a rascal sometimes, but he my brother and i love him.”

“then i’m sure they’ll get along fine!  since we’re friends.”

You don’t have the heart to tell him there is no correlation between those two things.  You both sit in silence for some time, not sure what to do.  Before you can think of some plan Xefros’s laptop starts to buzz.

“who is it?” you lean over to look.

“i don’t know?” he shows you the screen, the icon was a white ball on a green background.

“Now that you’re out of that pickle, I think it’s time we chat” the icons text was white on a green background, just like its icon.


	2. The largest of the Lone Gunbirds.

“JOEY COME IN over” you look down at the weird rectangle making noise at you, it looked much less advanced than the weapon you’d just come out of.

Scanning over the rest of the area gives you a similar feeling, various guns that looked either ancient or just broken.  Turning around you gaze at the weapon, it wasn’t exactly the same as the one you’d made back in your hive, but it was close enough.  Unfortunately it was not blocked off by some kind of barrier, no getting back through it now.  You give in to the lack of information and pick up the rectangle, after a few moments you figure out how it works.

“This is the ‘Joey’” you assume it’s some kind of codename, typical for any kind of force using communication patterns like this.  “What is the current situation, over.”

“WHILE I’M GLAD YOU’RE PROPERLY ENDING MESSAGES NOW, YOU DON’T SOUND LIKE JOEY over.”

A loud banging sound against the only door out of the room draws your attention.  That wasn’t typically a good sign.

“This is the rebel leader, I am requesting information about the current situation of this location, over.”

“REBEL LEADER? over.”

“Yes, against Trizza?  Over.”

“TRIZZA?  over.”

“Do you not know who Trizza is?  Over.”

“NEVER HEARD OF IT over.”

“Who am I speaking with?  Over.”

“THE HEAD OF THE LONE GUNBIRDS over.”

“Gunbirds?” now it’s your turn to be confused.  “Look, something is at the door here and I need to know what threat level it is, over.”

“LIKELY MONSTERS.  RECOMMENED ACTION IS TO NOT ENGAGE THREAT LEVEL HIGH over.”

“Thank you HLG” you abbreviate the title of the voice for ease of use.  “Any weapons I can use in here, I’m talking working guns over.”

“LOOK FOR FLINTLOCK RIFLE, AMMUNITION NEARBY over.”

You grimace as you look at the antique of a gun.  Beggars can’t be choosers you suppose as you equip it to your strife specibus.  The ammo is in a box nearby as HLG said, you add them to your inventory and load the gun.  As far as you can tell it’s operational, you don’t risk alerting more of the ‘monsters’ to your location by testing it though.

“Enemy numbers? over.”

“ONLY FOUR MEMBERS OF THE VANGUARD ARE STILL IN FIGHTING FORM AVOID LARGE SERPENT LIKE ONE IT APPEARS TO BE THE STRONGEST over.”

“Only four huh” you crack your neck and turn to the door.  “Beginning counter attack, stand by over.”

Ignoring the reply, the voice is just telling you to do not this, you try the door.  It’s locked.  You don’t see a key anywhere, probably still on that Joey HLG tried contacting.  You eye up the door, it’s clearly very sturdy as it’s held off whatever is beating away at it.  Peeping through the keyhole all you see is a black mass with legs running into the door, only one of these things.

“Door locked and the key is missing, asking for assistance over.”

“KEY LOST ON JOEYS RETREAT DOOR CAN’T BE OPENED WITHOUT IT LOOK FOR A DIFFERENT EXIT over.”

You look around the room, aside from the giant hole in the ceiling you don’t see any other outs.  You put the gun away and stretch, this would take some excellent climbing to get out of.

“Using large ceiling hole to egress over.”

“ALL FLYING MONSTERS DEALT WITH HOLE IS ADVISED over.”

That was all the go ahead you needed.  You walked over to the closest beam that led to the hole, it didn’t have much in the way of handholds, but it’d do.  Using brute strength you grip into the beam with your hands and start the slow climb up it.  The first part of it was simple enough, just straight up.  Once you got to the bend in it came the hard part, climbing up an angled surface was never easy.  Gritting your teeth you keep at it, this was nothing compared to the glorious revolution you’d be bringing about back on Alternia.  After a few more moments of struggling you grip the edge of the hole and pull yourself up.  The hole brought you on top of the building the weapon was in, giving you a good vantage point of the area.  You notice a strange flashing coming from a structure in the tree.

“ATTENTION REBEL LEADER SINCE YOU ARE APPARENTLY AN ALIEN I AM SIGNALING YOU FROM MY TREE FORT over.”

“Alien?” you can’t see HLG from here but based on that comment they didn’t seem to be a troll.  “Fort spotted, am I clear to approach over.”

“ON MY MARK PREPPING DISTRACTION FOR MONSTERS over.”

“Roger over” you sit tight and wait for the mark.

You inspect the area below you while you wait, mapping out the best path from here to the fort.  You’ll have to descend from your current vantage point first, the fall didn’t look too far, probably safe enough to jump.  There was a small structure you could see down there, it looks like a lusus might be inside it though, judging from the white hair sticking out of it.  No other sources of cover though, you’d have to make the straight shot in one go then to avoid a fight.

“MARK over” with the over a flare fired out of the fort, and with it two black monsters ran off after it.

Wasting no time you jump from the structure, bracing for the impact.  Like you thought it wasn’t too far and you manage to roll out of the shock easily enough.  Springing back to your feet you book it to the make shift ladder in the tree.  Casting a quick glance towards the monsters you see their still distracted by the flare, that makes this easy enough.  Reaching the tree you hastily climb the ladder up into a trap door, once through you flip it shut and throw the latch.  You take a few heavy breaths once you’re safe.

“EGADS YOU REALLY ARE AN ALIEN over” you turn to look at the voice, HLG was in fact a short bespectacled alien, which was extending a hand to you.  “JUDE HARLEY AT YOUR SERVICE REBEL LEADER over.”

“Dammek” you shake the outstretched hand, you had some recon to be filled in on.


	3. Clowns?  Scratch that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll already know I can't not have my home girl in this story.

“I don’t often take such involvement in matters under my watch, but due to recent events I’ve altered my policies on that” the cue ball icon didn’t wait for a reply from Xefros before it started these messages.  “As things are currently going the two of you will be dead by noon tomorrow.  I say this as a fact and as an event that would benefit us all to avoid.  Luckily for you I happen to be owed a few favors that I can, as the youths say, cash in on your behalf.  I will of course require some actions from you in return, not immediately and nothing too drastic.”

“do you think its done?” Xefros looked to you confused, obviously afraid of interrupting this stranger.

“give it a few seconds?” you assumed it is, but also didn’t want to upset something that might be able to help you.

“…” after a few moments it sent these white dots.  “Sigh.  Yes I am done.”

“it just, typed sigh, passive aggressive much” sure you two might have been exaggerating proper messaging etiquette but there was no need to be rude.  “ask it about those favors?”

“hi sorry for the pause um what kind of favors exactly?” Xefros slowly typed out each word as he spoke them aloud.

“As I said, just some small things: When you pass through the brooding caverns I need you, Xefros, to avoid tripping and falling over please.  Joey when my assistance arrive, don’t insult clowns around her, it will come up, avoid it at all costs.  When you flee Outglut, there’ll be a troll digging holes, hit him upside the head with his own shovel thrice, I cannot stress this enough, three times exactly.”

“the clown thing aside, what does most of the other things mean?” you remember you’re on an alien planet.

“the brooding caverns is where all the grubs come from but only jade bloods are allowed there” Xefros seems just as confused as you. 

“and the outglut place?”

“thats the city were in now”

“oh right” had he told you that?

“As I said don’t worry too much about these favors, you’ll even find that each one is an action you’d find favorable” the cue ball seemed like it knew what you were talking about somehow, weird.

“uh huh” Xefros typed out his reply.  “and youll help us if we do all that”

“Yes, did I not make that clear in my first message?”

“no you did trolls just arent usually nice”

“Oh believe me, I am aware of that.  Fear not though, for much like your friend Joey I am no troll.”

“hes an alien like you do you know him” Xefros really just pulled that one on you huh.

“no i don’t just know every non-troll in the universe” how insensitive of him.

“Macroaggressions aside, are these terms agreeable to you two?” ok now it definitely could hear you both.

“what should i say” Xefros really wasn’t good at being in charge.

“we don’t really have much other options do we?” sure your babysitter had taught you not to trust strangers, but in this situation you didn’t have any other choice.

“yes we find the terms agreeable” Xefros used the cue balls own terminology for some reason.

“Excellent.  Sit tight and I’ll pull some strings as soon as possible.  Worry not, I won’t be intervening much more, unless I feel you may forget one of the things I’ve requested of you.  Good luck and Viva la Revolution as they say.”

With that parting message the chat room closed.  Xefros clicked around to see if he could find it again without any luck.  It was like who or whatever they just spoke with didn’t exist.  You have a vague assumption Jude is somehow responsible for this, but lack the evidence to prove your claim.

“any idea what this help might be?” you’re banking of Xefros having slightly more information about everything still.

“no clue hopefully its not just a drone coming to crush us” at least he was looking on the bright side of things.  “but from the clown comment i think it could be a purple blood i really kinda hope not though”

“purple bloods and clowns are related how exactly?”

“they sort of are clowns and dangerous as hell to boot”

“got it, don’t insult the very dangerous clown who may or may not help us” you didn’t have anything against clowns per say, you just didn’t like them much.

“yes that is a good plan” Xefros looked really nervous now.

“are clowns something i should be extra afraid of here or do you just have a bad experience with them?”

“clowns are really high up on the hemospectrum they can cull me on sight for fun and you too since you have red blood”

“now i don’t love the sound of that, so with the risk of sounding like an ignorant alien, why are they allowed to just kill people?” you really could not figure this planet out.

“its their right by blood color”

“let’s get this rebellion going!  that’s a load of nonsense and needs to be stopped!”

“yeah youre right!”

“xefros did you already forget about the rebellion you’re now the leader of?”

“well no but i like the energy you have”

 You give him a smile, for an alien who you’d barely just met he was very nice.  After that very important seeming conversation neither of you had any clue what to do next.  You decide to just sit tight, the strange white text seemed to at least but mostly trust worthy, maybe due to its all-knowing nature.

“I told you * it’s just a work thing * you didn’t have to tag along *|” a voice at the door pulls both of your attentions away from the small tasks you’d been doing.

“and i Told you iT’s no hassle” when the second voice starts talking Xefros goes rigid.

Before either of you can think of something to do the door swings open, revealing two trolls.  A smaller one in tank top with long unkempt hair and a huge troll, with, is that juggalo face paint?

“Wait * fuck * you’re an alien * that cue ball didn’t say shit about an alien *|” the shorter one is sizing you up she speaks, it makes you kind of nervous.

“so, you’re all aliens to me” sure it was probably not the smartest thing you’d ever said, but it was also true, and not a clown insult.

“hm, Their boTh liTTle, This is gonna cause confusion” the huge troll looked between you and Xefros.

“How * just call one little one * and the other * no that’s probably really insensitive *|” the smaller one put on a really hardcore thinking expression. 

“yeah we should avoid ThaT hun” are they a couple?

“not to uh sound terribly afraid right now” Xefros was failing at that.  “but did the white text thing ask you to come here”

“Wow * I mean * I should’ve expected he wouldn’t tell you anything but the bare minimum * but still *|”

“do you know who that is?” she seems to be rather familiar with him.

“Sadly yes * he’s an asshole like * not even like * just constantly * but yes * he cashed in a favor and asked me to get you out of dodge * oh right * I’m Polypa and this Chahut *|”

“sup” Chahut didn’t seem nearly as deadly as Xefros made clowns seem.

“where are we supposed to go exactly” Xefros had a fair question, you assumed aliens and active rebels didn’t have many safe places here.

“I was just gonna dump you on a farm *|” Polypa didn’t seem too invested in this.

“a farm?”

“Yeah * I know a rancher a ways out * she’s pretty nice * I wasn’t exactly given specifics on who you two are so *|”

“we could Take Them to church, iT’s safe Their” Chahut just introduced you to the concept of alien religion.

“if its alright for me to be picky” Xefros looked even more afraid at the church mention.  “can we not go to church”

“fine, heaThens” her voice lost its playful tone as she said this.

“Told you * no one ever wants to go to church *|”

“you go.”

“That’s different * unless you’re in a red quadrant with both of these strangers * in which case I am very hurt *|” what the hell did that mean.

“no you’ve goT me There liTTle darling” her voice returned to the playful tone again, making you breathe out a sigh involuntarily.

“Well * night lights burning * let’s go strangers *|” Polypa turns to the door, motioning for you both to follow.

You lead Xefros out, his eyes stay glued to Chahut as you follow them into some kind of car.  With bug legs?  You ignore this and assume it’s just weird alien stuff, and pretend it’s not a big bug.  Hopefully this farm would give you a chance to actually figure out what the hell was going on.


	4. Who wears sunglasses at this hour?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay! I graduated college and started a job so I've been insanely busy!!! But I'm getting back to writing so expect more chapters hopefully! Also expect random other stories since it helps if I just write stuff!

“So” there wasn't actually that much for you to be filled in on it turns out. “Any thoughts as to why the monsters attacked?”

“NONE AS OF NOW, THEY SEEMED TO BE HERE JUST FOR DESTRCUTION” Jude was looking off in the distance with some binoculars. “WITH JOEY GONE I'M OUT OF BIRDS TO SEND FOR RECON TOO.”

The situation felt like one you knew fairly well. A hive destroyed out of nowhere for no reason, replace the monsters with drones and you'd be back home. The only noteworthy thing in the hive was that weapon they had, just like your own. If the monster from the door wasn't now outside you'd assume they wanted that.

“COME IN, this is threesixty responding to distress call over” a different communication device Jude had laying out started up.

“THIS IS JUDE THANK YOU FOR PROMPT REPLY” Jude rushed the device and replied after hitting some button. “ARE MONSTERS SEEN ON YOUR END? over”

“like literal monsters or metaphorical ones, like divorce? over”

“VERY LITERAL BLACK MONSTERS WITH GREEN MOUTHS over”

“can't say i've seen them, any reason you're asking? over”

“HOUSE WAS ATTACKED BY MONSTERS JOEY MISSING ALIEN HERE over” well he was a little to forth coming with that info maybe.

“ALIEN? like a bonafide green man type alien or an alien alien? over”

“FIONA PLEASE FOCUS ON MONSTER PROBLEM FIRST, WE ARE EXTREMELY OUTNUMBERED over”

“fine i'll head over, but i DEMAND to meet this alien over” the device clicked off, probably thanks to the line closing.

“THE CAVALRY SHOULD EVEN THE ODDS FOR US” Jude seemed rather pleased about this threesixty coming.

“Is threesixty a powerful strifer?” your really hoping she is, no offense to Jude, but he doesn't seem to tough.

“VERY, WITH ADDITIONAL FIRE POWER FROM US SHE CAN HANDLE THE MONSTERS” well his confidence set you at ease.

You hold the gun from the attic at the ready in case any monsters decide to try the tree hive. Jude sadly didn't get a time frame for the arrival of threesixty, you hoped it'd be sooner rather than later. The two of you waited in silence for a while before Jude spoke up.

“LOOK OVER HERE” Jude was looking out a side window and waving you over. “THEY'VE JUST BEEN STANDING THERE THIS WHOLE TIME.”

Once you were at the window you could see who he was talking about. It looked like five hooded figures were standing on a hill looking down at the hive. They were clearly in range to see the monsters, their lack of caring could only mean a few things.

“I ASSUME THEIR WITH THE CULT FROM THAT MANSION, LIKELY CAUSE OF MONSTERS” Jude pointed out this mansion to you as well.

“A cult that releases monsters, I've heard of crazier things” like a heiress who calls drone strikes. “How long have they been there?”

“ROUGHLY TWO HOURS ASSUMING THEY ARRIVED WITH THE MONSTERS. I ONLY NOTICED AT MINUTE SIXTEEN OF ATTACK.”

“No attempt to ask for surrender, they don't want something from here” you tried to apply basic strategies to their actions to find a motive. “Or their want to wait us out, they have the advantaged position. How much supplies do you have here?”

“MINIMAL, WITHOUT BACK UP WE WON'T LAST LONG” not exactly what you wanted to hear.

You return your window post. The situation wasn't good, you'd have to act soon to try and gain any ground over the monsters. You aim the gun towards one of the smaller ones, waiting for the right time. As you wait, the monster turns towards the south and quickly runs that way. It was quickly followed by the other monster. You swing your head to the south to see as well. A lone figure was approaching, you could vaguely make out some kind of weapon in one of their hands.

“PERFECT TIMING FIONA” Jude's remark gave away that this was threesixty. “PREPARE SUPPORTIVE FIRE DAMMEK.”

You don't hesitate and quickly fire at the closer of the two monsters. Either you missed or this gun hand minimal effect on them. Regardless you reload as fast as you can.

“WELL FUCK, there are monsters” Fiona yelled loudly from her position, unsheathing what looked like a sword and preparing to fight.

You make an attempt to lay down suppressing fire, but the gun wasn't exactly effective. Luckily Fiona seemed to have this under control. Effortlessly dodging the clunky monsters and retaliating quickly with the sword. Even with that weapon the monsters seemed to be made of strong stuff, direct hits only stopped them for a brief moment. Finally after one of the monsters fell from an over extended attack Fiona managed to inflict serious damage to it with a stab. The other monster fled seeing it's ally in such a state.

“UP HERE MORE ON PROWL” Jude quickly signaled Fiona to the tree fort.

Wasting no time Fiona dashed over to the tree and ascended. Up close you could better see Fiona. Even though it was nearly night time Fiona had on sunglasses, a t-shirt with that had a golden chain graphic on it.

“DAMMEK MEET FIONA, FIONA DAMMEK” Jude introduces you.

“nice to meet you alien, i'm Fiona Strider” Fiona holds a hand out to you, you shake it.

 

 


	5. I guess ranch life can wait, gravediggers can't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand after another huge delay, here's a new chapter! Sorry!

“not to look a gift, uh, bug in the mouth” you were absolutely about to do that.  “but can you tell us more about what's going on?”

“I mean * I could yeah *|”

A few moments passed in silence.

“are you going to?” Xefros spoke up before you could, good on him to take some initiative.

“Do I have to *|” this Polypa seemed rather unhappy about being dragged into this whole situation.

“well, no technically not, but it'd be very helpful” you're hoping that sounding a little more pitiful will help win her over.

“Then I'll pass * when you get to the farm you can figure it out yourself * or just stop giving a shit * up to you *|”

“this farm seems like its really far from the brooding caverns” oh right you had to do some stuff for white text, good thing Xefros was on top of those tasks.

“It's only super far from them *|”

“we sorta have to go to them.”

“Course you do * can't just make it easy for me can he *|” she does a U-turn with the bug car. “Anything else he told you *|”

“we uh, have to hit some troll in the head with his own shovel?” you sort of remember that.

“Oh good * Fozzers getting fixed * is that all *|” her reaction to that confuses you a bit, but you accredit that to the high level of violence here.

“something about clowns?” Xefros mentioning this reminded you it was topic that had to be explicitly avoided.

“What about clowns *|” you're very suddenly reminded of the presence of Chahut, and the twos relationship.

“how we should not forget how great they are” you try and gloss over this topic smoothly and jab Xefros in the rib area real fast to silence him.

“Good *|” crisis averted.

Another bout of silence fills the, you hesitate to call it a car, vehicle.  This whole planet was full of dangers at every turn, you'd already learned that, but it was also kind of mystifying.  Seeing these surprisingly beautiful areas pass by made you wish there was time for sight seeing. Your small moment of daydreaming was cut short by the vehicles sudden stop.
    
    
      
    
      
    
    

“where are we?” Xefros looked out the window to try and see.

“I figure * there's no reason to take you to the caverns * then let you two suffer through finding him yourselves * so here we are * the  Happy Absence Pit Park *|”

You all get out of the bug and look around.  Nearby you see a lone figure, with what you think is a shovel.  It sees you, and, starts to run and scream?

“Why are you running *|” Polypa aggressively gets out and walks towards the figure, you feel like this happens often.  “Why are you running *|”

“babe, maybe leT Them handle him” you are kind of shocked to hear Chahut speak after so long. “unless you wanT anoTher fozzer incidenT on your head.”

“another?” you and Xefros ask in unison.

“I have many issues with him * it's my personal business *|” she stops her pursuit of him.  “But fine * we'll wait in the buggy * don't take too long *|”

The two of you head off after the frightened figure.  Luckily you don't have to go too far, it seems he decided to hide behind a rock.  You hope this is more of a metaphorical hit him with the shovel.

“Stay_back_I_know_how_to_use_this_thing” he's now brandishing the shovel towards you both.

“i got this” Xefros put a hand to his head aimed the other at the shovel.

“Whoa_cut_it_out” the troll, you assume this is Fozzer, tries to hold onto the shovel as it glows and shakes in his hands.

You're not sure who's struggling more.  Fozzer seems to have quite the grip and is doing really well in his fight to hold onto the shovel, but he was clearly straining himself.  On the other hand, Xefros looked like he might pop a blood vessel any second. You decide to help out and pull out your handy flashlight. You quickly flick it on and off aiming for Fozzers eyes.

“Ah_ the_ghosts_are_cheating” he lets go of the shovel to shield his eyes from your light.

“i'm sorry about this mr. fozzer, but um, we gotta hit you in the head with this shovel now” you don't love this plan, but at least Xefros is the one holding the shovel.

“You_must_be_with_those_dirty_rebels_I_knew_they_were_after_me” to be fair, he's technically right.

“just hold still please” Xefros steps forward and swung the shovel head at him, catching Fozzer square on the jaw.

“oh no is he dead” you worry, since he fell to the ground after that one swing.

“nah, it takes a lot to kill us trolls trust me” Xefros winds up and smacks him again.  “was it twice or thrice with the shovel?”

“i uh” you're too distracted by the sheer brutality of this scene before you to answer.  

“i'll do thrice, just to be safe you know” he swings again, hitting the already knocked out Fozzer in the head one last time before dropping the shovel.

“well, um, let's go then” you feel your stomach knot up as you speak.

“yeah, don't wanna leave those two waiting for long” Xefros pulls you by the hand.

You can't help but look at Fozzer still.  It was awful, but you couldn't take your eyes off it.  You could see a small pool of rust colored blood, it looked like it was coming from the top of his head.  What if he was dead? Did Xefros care that he could have just killed him? Why didn't he care?

“why did you do that?” you stop walking, unable to look at him.

“the thing we were told to do?” he sounded so nonchalant about it.  “if that white text guy said to do it, and sent them to help us, it must be ok to do.”

“just because some stranger said to do it makes it fine?”

“well yeah, if someone else tells me to do something it's gotta be fine to do.”

“you don't think there's any issue with that logic?”

“why would there be?  it's what i do when dammek gives me orders.”

“right, let's just, let's hurry up and leave” his tone and the look in his eyes unsettle you immensely.


	6. Fancy yourself good bait?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the massive massive massive delay!! This is now my primary focus storywise and I'll hopefully have update more consistently going forward! And also sorry if this is a lil short

You have to admit, the plan was very nonexistent right now.  With only one functional weapon between the three of you, and being trapped in the tree hive, options were very limited.  Jude was currently running over possible strategic maneuvers using a map he’d created. You’d been working to turn this useless gun into a useful club.

 

“not to ask a possibly insensitive question here, but where’s the spaceship space man?” this Fiona had asked you a plethora of similar questions over the past half an hour.

 

“I did not fly here in a spaceship, a weapon I had made sent me here after turning on suddenly” you had done your best to not let the annoyance you felt in answering the questions slip into your voice.  

 

“follow up question, how did you learn english?”

 

“What is english?”

 

“the thing we’re speaking to each other, even though you’re an alien” she also made sure to slip that tidbit in fairly often.

 

“I can assure you I am speaking Alternian and have never heard of this english.”

 

“you don’t think that’s kinda strange?”

 

“That I don’t know what that made up word is?  No not really.”

 

“no not that, how you can talk to us, and we can talk to you, even though we apparently aren’t speaking the same language.”

 

In all the commotion of you getting here and then meeting up with Jude, you hadn’t actually put time to that thought.  Something had to have caused this, or worse, someone. It feels like a safe bet that whoever caused you to be brought here must also be responsible for this.  

 

“I BELIEVE I HAVE A HYPOTHESIS FOR THIS PHENOMENON” Jude looked up from his strategy planning.  “WHATEVER THE CULT DID THAT SPAWNED THE MONSTERS MAY HAVE BEEN ONLY PHASE ONE OF THEIR PLAN.”

 

“and you think phase two will be what exactly?”

 

“CAPTURING THE ALIEN THEY IN A ROUNDABOUT WAY BROUGHT HERE.”

 

“Cult makes monsters, monsters attack here, they force your sister into the attic, she turns on the weapon” you had to admit, it was a solid enough theory.

 

“EXACTLY, WHAT THEY WANT WITH YOU IS UNCLEAR AS THEY’VE YET TO MOBILIZE AGAINST US AGAIN.”

 

“and going to them seems like a suicide mission with how much open ground there is” Fiona peered out the small window of the hive.  “with how useful trenches would be right now, i’m surprised you didn’t dig some in advance.”

 

“BABYSITTER AND JOEY FORBID IT.”

 

“that makes sense yeah.”

 

“It seems like our only plan is to draw them to us then?”

 

“EXACTLY AGAIN, I HAVE CONCOCTED A PLAN FOR THIS, BUT IT IS RELIANT ON A MAJOR ASSUMPTION.”

 

You and Fiona moved closer to the table to see his plan laid out.  It looked like a classic pincer ambush, with a trap of TBD origin as a fallback.  It wasn’t very clear what assumption he built this on.

 

“SO LONG AS THE CULT ACTUALLY DID THIS TO GET YOU, AN ALIEN, WE HAVE BAIT” oh right, his hypothesis was logical, but that didn’t equate it to the truth.

 

“i think it’ll have to do, we don’t have to much to go on, the only issue i see is we’ve got a sword and a broken gun.”

 

“AN ADDITIONAL SETBACK YES.  A PROPERLY EXECUTED STEALTH MISSION INTO THE HOUSE CAN FIX THIS.”

 

“i assume that’s my cue to flip my into the place like a power ranger?”

 

“AS THE ONLY ONE PROPERLY ARMED AND CAPABLE OF SAID FLIPS, YES.”

 

“i’m gonna have the craziest story to tell dirk when i finally get back home” with that, Fiona exited the tree hive on her stealth mission.

 

“NOW THEN, FOR THE REST OF MY BAIT PLAN” Jude pulled out some small mounds of black clay and figurine.  “WE NEED TO LURE THE SURVIVING MONSTER BACK HERE AND ALLOW IT TO ‘CAPTURE’ YOU.”

 

“Do you think those things have a capture mode or is it just going to try and rip me apart?”

 

“I’M HOPING FOR A, BUT I’M EXPECTING B” at least he was honest about it.  “ONCE YOU’VE BEEN CONVINCINGLY CAPTURED WE NEED THEM TO COME HERE AND COLLECT YOU.  YOU’LL HAVE TO WEAKEN THE MONSTER BEFORE FALLING TO IT.”

 

“Do able” worst case scenario your gun club should do some damage.  “Contingency for if they send additional monsters for retrieval?”

 

“WE’LL HAVE TO SCRAP THE OPERATION AND EXTRACT YOU, WE WON’T BE MUCH OF A MATCH FOR THEM IF WE LOSE ANY MORE PEOPLE.”

 

The plan was made on short notice, and had some vague points to it, but it was better than nothing.  For his age, Jude was quite competent, if this all didn’t go ass up you wouldn’t mind his help back home.  So long as there was anything left of the rebellion that is. You hope Xefros is managing to keep moral at least existing in your absence; and that this Joey doesn’t bite it for Judes sake.


	7. Vibe with the assassin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took forever again! I'm a mess! Also ignore the super ooc line in this, that you will all definitely notice.

"hm * i didn't think you had it in you * let's get moving *|" Polypa sat in the drivers seat, completely unconcerned by what had happened.

"does nobody here care that we might have just killed that guy?" he still wasn't moving, and the sight of his busted head wouldn't leave your mind.

"no *|"

"noT really"

"joey it's fine, we just have to get moving again" Xefros of all people not understanding how unfine this situation was surprised you.

"how is that fine! some white text telling us to do it does not make it fine! i thought you wanted to rebel against all this awful violence, and here you are doing it onto others!"

"dammek has always said we can't win the war without scrambling some thinkpans."

"well dammek is a jerk! we've established that at least twice already, and now you're being a jerk too!"

"can you too shut it * i am not missing movie night for this * get the hell in or youre walking *|" great, now you were going to be stuck here.

"honestly, all you've done is be rude and not tell us anything. so fine, leave us here to fumble our way into some other senseless act of violence!"

You turned your back to the car, ignoring Xefros as well. If no one on this planet wanted to try and be nice for five minutes, you could be mean too! The sound of the car door opening gets your attention and you peek over your shoulder. Chahut had gotten out of the car.

"chahut * please get back in the car *|"

"i Think This liTTle human is righT" having the massive clown woman on your side actually made you feel better. "or are you no longer the polypa That held The cue ball hosTage for me?"

"cue ball?"

"your friends whiTe TexT, her cue ball."

"can you go two days without pulling this card *|" Polypa had angrily gotten out of the car as well now. 

"i could"

With a long sigh she sat down next to Chahut. Using her left hand she rubbed her temple aggressively, her right hand intertwined with Chahuts. Chahut used her free to gesture for you to sit across from them. You sit across from Polypa, prepared to get some helpful info from her, or at least prepared to vibe a little.

"what * stupid question do you have *|" she'd just been pussy whipped into being helpful huh.

"who is this white text cue ball guy?"

"the worst * next question *|"

"polypa"

"ugh fine * he's some kind of dick head god that knows just about everything * and he's the worst *|"

"does he hate fozzer?" Xefros took a turn at questioning her.

"who doesn't hate that loser * although scratch is responsible for him being like that * so you hitting him may have fixed him actually * or killed him either way is fine *|"

"is he trying to help the revolution?"

"hell no * he's only ever helping himself and if you're lucky whatever problem you got ends up in his way * if you want help with that go find that computer twink * ma-something *|"

"babe we Talked abouT remembering names"

"that conversation doesn't apply to people i met in other timelines * or twinks *|"

"can you please try and remember, we do need all the help we can get" you try and ask extra politely.

"i like the other human i know better * they never asked me to recall twink names *|" she grumbled and scrolled through some device. "his name is mallek * he's some smartass blue blood i used to deal with *|"

"could you-"

"yes i can take you to him * fuck whatever cue ball wants *|"

Her last comment earned an angry beep from both her device and Xefros'. They both had a message from the white text Scratch. You guessed he wasn't very happy about you not doing his job.

"No Joey, I'm not mad. I am simply disappointed. I extend my hand to you as an ally and you intend to scorn me. Thank you Xefros for following at least one of my instructions, next time I'd prefer you do them in order."

You notice Polypa didn't bother checking her message from him. Instead she was looking around the ground for something.

"where the hell is it * chahut was it by that rock or that one *|"

"i wanna say ThaT one" you follow her pointing, was that a beam of light?

"perfect * fuck texting let's just talk face to face *|"

"um, he's saying we really shouldn't do what you're trying to do right now" Xefros was still reading off his messages.

"cool * tell him i say cool *|" Polypa had gone and retrieved the shovel and was digging at the light.

"he uh, disconnected."

"yeah let's see him do that * i * r * l *|" she grunted out the last bit while hurling some dirt over her shoulder, after a few moments a loud clank rang out. "got it *|"

"what's it exactly" you peer behind the rock at the hole she'd dug.

At it's bottom was some kind, fenestrated wall? The light was definitely coming from it.

"well * hop in *|" Polpya jumped into the hole, and with a bright flash was gone.

"joey i don't think we should go in there" Xefros looked incredibly afraid of whatever this was.

"we need answers right? and we've got a very scary woman with us so we'll be fine" you grab his hand and pull both of you into the hole.

As your vision clears you can see this room your now in. It's all green, even the furniture, or what's left of the furniture? The place is a huge mess, some of the walls have holes blasted through them. This Scratch guy must be a real bum.

"No, I am not a bum" a voice came from under a pile of rubble. "I've just been caught off guard and had difficulty recovering."

"hahahaha * this idiot is stuck under rubble *|" Polypa seemed to be loving this.

"Well, Joey Claire, welcome to my apartment, sadly Polypas traitorous friend has ruined the place."

"oh shit *|"

You have a feeling things were about to get very crazy.


	8. Showdown on Ea- *Yoink*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay look at me, regular updates or something, who woulda thunk it possible? Not me. not me

Given your current odds, you felt confident enough. Back on Alternia the daily odds of you dying were actually much higher than they were currently, a testament to your terrible home world. With one of the worst guns you'd ever seen strapped to your back, you climbed down from the tree hive. Walking into no mans land you steeled your resolve. You were the leader of a damn rebellion and you weren't about to let some blobs with limbs and mouths take you down. You will not go silently into this good night! This is your stand, you chance to-

"Please, people with narrative relevance are talking" a mysterious voice comes from your communicator, and all at once you feel cheated out of the balance of this story.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's awful enough I have to deal with all of this again" the pile of rubble hiding Doc Scratch rumbled slightly. "But I will not tolerate being called a bum by some scamp such as yourself."

"how dare you, i'm at least a rascal" you'd never been a scamp a day in your life.

"More importantly * where is my friend * how did they do this *|" Polypa was checking a different room for this friend.

"It's a series of complicated stupid events you are not privy to, I personally blame the influence of Aradia."

"Who?" you and Polypa ask this question at the same time.

"Irrelevant to you both, could you perhaps remove this rubble from me now."

Before you can demand more answers to the ever increasing number of questions you have, Xefros began moving the rubble. You're more annoyed that he's doing it by hand instead of with psychic powers, but also that he's doing it at all.

"Xefros stop! we don't know who this guy is, or what's going on. don't just do what he asks you to!"

"i can't not do that, most of everything i do is because people tell me or ask me to do it" he keeps moving rubble.

"I'm glad one of you is at least polite."

With an exasperated exhale you help Xefros free this guy. The two of you would have to talk later about what free will is and why he should use it more often. For now though, you had questions for this Scratch guy.

"Oh finally, I've only been stuck under there for nine months, give or take" standing from the pile of rubble, was a man with a cracked cue ball for a head?

"You look like shit * and it's not even my fault for once *|" him and Polypa seem to have quite the history.

"Quite the observation, yes it is not your fault" dusting himself off he looked at you, you think. "It wasn't enough for them to try and destroy the narrative, they decided to come back and have it out with me. That did not end well for me, and not it's possibly going to end much worse for all of you."

"Oh yeah right * we're talking about someone who's prime directive in life is to make friends * what threat is that to anyone * especially me *|"

"Oh I don't know, but I wouldn't check the social media of any particularly, royal, individuals then. Just to be safe."

Like clockwork she took out her tablet thing, much like your own borrowed one, and began searching. After a few moments her jaw went slack.

"They've certainly moved up in the world, no longer hanging with street trash it seems" Scratch had started, you think, looking at himself in a mirror. "My best conjecture on this matter is this: We're dealing with a doomed timeline off shoot of the Reader, and they are quite unhappy."

"doomed timeline?" Xefros voiced the question for you both.

"Yes."

"which is?"

"A timeline that is doomed to die off."

"oh."

"so now their evil and went to help the Heiress destroy people's lives?" you couldn't figure out the connection from Polypas apparently harmless friend to this war zone.

"As far as I can guess, yep."

"You guess * you * the omnipotent asshole * can only guess *|" Polypa didn't seem to like that answer.

"A lot has happened, they now act outside of my jurisdiction. To put it in fun colloquial terms: There's a new sheriff in town. Well more accurately their the governor and I'm the sheriff."

"so what are we doing exactly? why did you message us and tell us to do those things? why am I here?"

He was testing your patience with his sudden silence, it was like he was just ignoring all your questions now. You were about to show him just what these ballet shoes can do before he finally spoke up.

"I don't know anymore."

"anymore?"

"I'm sure I had some kind of grand scheme for all this, a way to set everything right. Now I can't figure out why anything is happening."

"You're losing your power * quick what number am I thinking of *|"

"Three" with a weary sigh he rubbed his cue ball head. "Maybe four, I don't really care."

"It was four twenty *|"

"Of course it was."

"ok whatever this conversation is" you interject to end this tom foolery. "i need to get home! and xefros thinks he needs his friend back! can you help us or not?""

"No I can't" he slumped into one of the nearby chairs. "I'd like you all to leave now."

"what? why? we still need help!"

"I don't care."

"You * of all people * don't care * I'm not buying that one bit *|" Polypa shoved him, which just made him fall to the floor.

"I'm going to ask you all to leave again, I have important business to handle."

"which is what exactly?"

"I have to stop existing."

"Oh this bullshit again * you've had nine months to do so apparently * so why now huh *|"

"Because things have gone wrong and time tables have moved forward, so leave now or you have to deal with him."

"joey i think we should listen to him, i have a weird feeling" Xefros tugged on your hand.

"no, we need some kind of answer, some kind of idea of what the heck is going on!" you go over and struggle to pull him from the ground. "i don't care about whoever this him is, help us!"

"joey i, i feel like we have to run" Xefros sounded afraid now.

"Why would you run" a strange voice came from Scratch's head as colors started coming from the cracks in it. "WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE?"

With super human agility and strength Polypa pulls you away as his head cracks open. The three of you run to the fenestrated wall. Whatever had just happened behind you; had just destroyed your only lead on figuring out why you were here and what you had to do to get home.

"you all look Terrible, whaT happened?" Chahut was waiting for you all on Alternia.

"Some real * fucked up stuff * I'm out *|" Polypa headed back to her car. "I'm dropping you two off back Tyzias' place * you can do whatever the hell you want from there * not my problem *|"

Great, you were right back were you started a few hours ago. Just now there was one more, probably, dead troll and one less person sending you cryptic messages. You hoped Jude was safe.


End file.
